Why is dating in your 40s and after so difficult?


As human beings, it's natural to look forward to the age when you can go out on dates and discover a romantic love interest for the first time. It's exciting! Dating can also be challenging for various reasons! It is particularly tough after you've experienced failure a few times, and as you age, and depending on your life experiences, dating after the age of 40 brings its own set of hurdles to jump.


Below are some interesting responses shared by singles over 40 after being asked what makes dating so challenging at this stage in their lives:

  • I think my standards have changed, which is a good and bad thing all at the same time. I have become less tolerant of the "BS" because I spent most of my 20s and part of my 30s in a relationship.

  • For me, it's been finding someone with whom I'm compatible and find attractive.

  • Since I have been dating again, it is more of sifting through the lies and deceit. I have always dated older, at least two to five years older, but I recently tried to date people my age, and it was a disaster. I learned that just because they're physically my age doesn't mean their mentality is on the same level. So, I am back to dating older men.

  • Many "middle-aged" people are stuck in the past and too busy trying to regain their youth!

  • I believe in meeting people where they are at in life. So, I try to be aware of the things people tell me about themselves. The lies, being halfway married or in a relationship to some extent, are a hindrance.

  • You are not willing to explore dating outside of your race or your usual "type."

  • Often, people are still bitter over an ex that they were with ages ago.

  • Problems arise when people are set in their ways and don't want to try new things.

  • If we get to the stage when we become sexual, erectile dysfunction or hormonal issues caused by menopause can be a challenge. Also, other health issues may deter you from getting out and dating.

  • Too many older singles don't know what they want; some are still clinging to exes. Well, I'm busy getting my life back together after spending 21 years of my life raising kids, getting them through school, university, now starting they're starting master's programs! I can't deal with indecisiveness.

  • Men who have issues with my independence and the way I spend my money. Being told I carry too much masculine energy!

  • Men that cannot understand that though I want to be in a relationship, I don't NEED a relationship to be happy. I don't need to be rescued. And please don't come around and disrupt my peace with insecurities and past relationship drama because my peace is quite pricey.

  • The older we get, the more set in our ways we become!

  • I wish I weren't single. My husband should still be alive, and we should spend this time together, watching the wrinkles slowly form over time along with our soft bellies and graying hair. I do not feel valued in the dating pool. What is considered distinguished in a gentleman of my age is regarded as tired and worn for a woman. I'm not really ready for the rocking chair, but the group from which I can choose, is small.

  • People aren't honest anymore and don't want to put in the work.

  • People are presenting their "representatives" instead of who they really are. Some pretend to want the same things, but their actions prove otherwise.

  • I feel out of the loop because my thoughts and expectations are outdated. I have to catch up to today's "goings-on."

  • It isn't easy to find someone who is emotionally available and decisive.

  • Family responsibilities like taking care of an elderly parent might create challenges.

  • A lot of men are not sure what they want. They want you to settle with what they are offering until they make up their minds.

  • People need to lose the idea of commitment before connection. There is no need for us older people to claim another grown person just because we vibe. Let's keep vibing to see if we really connect first!

  • I'm not over 40, but I imagine it's the lack of available men since more are married or attached by then.

  • Older men typically want younger women. They prefer their young perky bodies over middle-aged bodies.

  • Finding a decent place to meet people because middle-aged people are less likely to be in bars and clubs.

These are just a few thoughts that single people reentering the dating scene were willing to share. I'm sure there are many other reasons, but regardless of how challenging it can be to date at of after the age 40, you have to step on faith and take a chance to find love—if you want to. Rely on the experience you've gained from past relationships, remember the lessons you've learned, trust yourself, but most of all, be safe and have fun.

Feel free to share your thoughts.


Peace,

Cup of Vic


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